Pokemon Sword – Dear Sebastian,

I appreciate your concern, but I have a few of my own…

My Dearest Friend Sebastian,

I have received your letter regarding your disappointment that I chose Pokemon Sword over Pokemon Shield. While I understand your concern, I’d like to take this opportunity to detail why you are completely and unequivocally wrong in every way, and why Pokemon Sword is clearly the superior selection.

Pokemon Shield is 2000-And-Late

I appreciate your interest in tyranitar (lowercase “t”) and accept your incorrect opinion about Hydreigon. But this argument is rooted in the past. Pokemon is, at it’s heart, a game about evolution. In that same spirit, we too must continue to evolve as players. While you look back to see what old, comfortable tools Gamefreak will provide to placate you, I’m out here in the year 3008 with Pokemon Sword, innovating. I’d like to demonstrate some examples:

Sirfetch’d: all other arguments are invalid

The real reason Game freak didn’t add a national pokedex is simply because there are now only two relevant Pokemon. The first is obviously the leek-lovin’ duck, Sirfetch’d. The other is an opponent for Sirfetch’d to devastate in battle. Since any old Pokemon can fit the bill (yes even your friend tyranitar), there’s no need for a full pokedex. Sirfetch’d is version exclusive to Pokemon Sword and because Pokemon Shield does not have access to Sirfetch’d, Pokemon Shield is irrelevant. Full stop.

Lets get into the legendary mascots

Just look at this absolute unit from Pokemon Sword:

Wait, no. sorry wrong one….

Boom! That’s what I’m talking about!

The true Mascot of Pokemon Sword: Sirfetch’d! That’s right you might have shield dog, but we got onion duck. Being a Fighting/Steel-type Pokemon, your legendary, Zamazenta is weak to, and no match for, our avian hero here.

And while I have you here, another subtle but relevant fact about Pokemon Sword:

You and I both know that Gamefreak loves to layer in hidden messages in all the Pokemon games. Sometimes these are clues to their future plans. As you can see in this high-res diagram — which I pain-stakingly crafted with the best image editors money can buy — there is clearly a hidden agenda to Sirfetch’d’s design. Could this be the next version mascot? Is he the chosen one? All signs point to “yes”.

Pokemon Shield may have different content from Pokemon Sword, but it is undeniable that Pokemon Sword gives the player access to a Pokemon that has both a sword and a shield. If it seems like you’re getting the best of both games here, that’s because you clearly, definitely are.

Lets talk Gym Leaders

It’s undeniable that Allister has a cool design; you got me there. But, lets take a look at Bea’s stats shall we? Fighting-type expert. Exclusive to Pokemon Sword. hmm, sounds a little similar to someone else we know… But who could that be?

That’s right! It’s yo’ boy Sirfetch’d, servin’ it up hot and crispy. Sirfetch’d happens to be a fighting-type, the exact specialty of the version exclusive gym leader for Sword. I cannot confirm in anyway that Bea has a Sirfetch’d on her team, (honestly that may be too much power for any one gym leader to possess) but it does serve as a nice homage to the newest tier-zero combatant. Lucario and Mewtwo will now slowly fade into the background, a distant memory of Pokemon of yester-year. Giovanni will be back in the lab, cooking up some allium-themed armor for his new secret weapon.

In summation, I appreciate your concern Sebastian, I truly do. But I have to wonder, have you really thought this through? I understand the quick and easy appeal of tried and true Pokemon like tyranitar. But this is a new generation, and we must move forward with new and exciting options. Sirfetch’d is the future of Pokemon and therefore Pokemon Sword is the forward thinking choice. As one of my closest friends, I just wouldn’t want to see you be left behind. Please, reconsider and change your preorder to Pokemon Sword.


Ian Moriarty